She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
