Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
