i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
love makes seman taste better
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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