Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
