My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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