I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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