Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
