Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
