He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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