Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
