i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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