i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
soo... how was my night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
