So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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