How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
