the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
