I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think my moral compass just broke
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