did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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