You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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