My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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