i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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