I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
