Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
