Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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