That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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