It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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