I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
