My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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