Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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