Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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