Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
