i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
