My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
