I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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