I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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