He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
