we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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