You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
