My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
