considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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