Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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