I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
