i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
