I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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