Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
