he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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