I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
