An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
