The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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