so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
