Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
