I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
