You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
