I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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