Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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